The people who piss me off…

So, I haven’t been on here much lately, obviously. Instead I’ve literally been in recovery when I get home from work. I am completely spent. Emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. I imagine that 5 weeks in constant crisis management could make a person crotchety, so perhaps that’s why I’m compelled to write…and in this tone.

The kids I work with, the ones who drain me, the ones I appear to be raising for other people are NOT the people who piss me off. The people who piss me off are their parents (I use the term loosely), their DHS workers (where applicable), and the people (only a couple) that I work with. And here’s the why…

The parents…it’s a long list, but I’ll try to keep it brief. These kids desperately need the services we provide. DESPERATELY. Yet, most of the parents can’t be bothered to bring the kids or pick them up at the end of the day. So, with the price of gas around $4/gallon, I go to their houses early in the morning and pick up “my” kids, and then I take them home. There is ONE of my colleagues that does this also…ONE. And we determined today that we feel like we’re sharing custody of these kids. Listen, I love my kids…but I want child support. Parents don’t give their kids the medicine they really really need (thanks to the parents who make my daily life hell), parents take vacations (without their children), parents who call or text me at all hours of the day to make excuses for why they can’t get their children to where they need to be. And the worst of all…the parents who don’t give their children any love, attention, or affection. It’s very obvious who these children are. There are the children who spend all day coming to give me hugs, who want to sit on my lap…and when they do, they grab my arms and wrap them around them and hold them there tightly. As happy as I am that I am there and can fill that need, I would love to smack the shit out of these parents. It breaks my heart.

So it most likely sounds elitist, but work where I work and have a different opinion. I fervently believe people should be required to have a license before they have a child. You need one to drive a car, you certainly should be required to have one to birth and raise another human being. Now I realize it would be a nightmare to enforce and all of that, and I realize it would put me out of a job/career, but I’m totally ok with that. If I have to find another line of work because all children are wanted, loved, and cared for I will gladly find another trade.

I can barely even address the DHS workers and all they do to piss me off. I get that they’re overwhelmed. Honestly, I do. But here’s the thing…don’t come to me and try to get me to say that a kid needs to be sent to residential care just because you don’t want to deal with him anymore. That’s weak.

And as for the people I work with…or at least the one major pain in my ass. If all you’re going to do is bitch and threaten to quit, not try to find a solution to your problem, and find fault with every possible solution presented to you…make good on your threat and leave. I will spend all my energy and then some on my kids, but I won’t waste it on your sorry borderline ass. Get the big picture. Get that in a lot of instances, we are all these kids have. Understand that whether or not a child hears you say these things, they sense it. And for the love of God, get that in comparison to the kids we work with, you are living an incredibly privileged life and you should be ashamed of yourself for bitching and whining about what you whine about. Do what’s best for the kids and shut your pie hole. And if you can’t do that, please allow me to show you the door. And now.

I’m just saying.

No F Words today

Well, the visit has come and gone, and was fairly uneventful. They rolled in about 8pm and were gone about 12 hours later. Not to mention, their kids were crazy would up from being in the car so much so there was just a “sit back and watch” element to the evening. I kinda think we should get a kid or two just for the buffer they provide.

Overall, I do think it went pretty well. There was certainly the element of a ginormous elephant in the room, but it wasn’t horrible. We talked a bit, laughed a lot, and it was ok. I will say 1/2’s cousin very obviously misses her–she even got a visibly sad face when talking sarcastically about the lack of communication between them. I, for my part, assured the cousin that 1/2 and I had discussed it and felt as though it would be better. (By discuss it I mean I told 1/2 that she needed to be better about emailing, calling, etc.) It seriously was the saddest puppy dog face I’ve ever seen on someone in their mid-thirties.

Even the uber fundamentalist husband was surprisingly friendly and jovial. After they left, 1/2 told me that was the first time she’d ever seen him like that. I really do think that love wins out in the end. I mean, even if he was only on his best behavior at the request of his wife, out of her love for 1/2–love won out, right?

I have been told, that if due to this visit, an invitation is extended to us for the holidays we WILL be going. No questions asked. Ok. We’ve spent a boat load of time with my family (which is not always fun certainly). My thing has always been that I don’t want to spend holidays a part, so we go to the family that is accepting of us and our relationship. If that list now includes her family, I will gladly go. Although it means we will have to see her sister again. Ugh.

Anywho…that’s it for today. Love wins out. No F word. A good day indeed.

Today’s entry is Brought to You by the Letter F

Family. Maybe not what you were thinking would be my F word of the day.

So here’s the thing. 1/2 isn’t too terribly close to her family. There are many a reason beyond merely the physical distance. 1/2 grew up in totally conservative Baptist family (which is much the norm around here, I find). Well, that becomes a problem when you realize later in life you are gay.

1/2’s siblings were signicantly older than her, her mother died when she was 11 (and was the only nurturing force in her life). 1/2 subsequently spent time with extended relatives for holidays, etc. She can remember comments (before she was aware or accepting of her own reality) in which family members would proclaim as part of ‘normal’ dinner conversation “I would rather my son was a murderer than gay”. Unfortunately, this is/was the sentiment for much of her family.

Fast forward to 1/2 realizing, accepting, and moving forward with her life as a gay person. The relationships with her family ceased–not because there was a falling out or disowning, but because 1/2 was aware of their stance on what would certainly be regarded as her ‘lifestyle choice’ and didn’t want to put herself through that.

The one relationship that has probably been the most tragic loss is the one with her cousin. 1/2 and her cousin were the same age and spent a lot of time together–while growing up and while becoming. Well, for the last 4 years, there has been little contact. The cousin married an uber fundamentalist, has had a couple of kids, stays home with them, etc. Thus, the relationship was sacrificed.

And that brings us to the present–today specifically. The cousin, the husband, and the two children will be here visiting–staying in our house of ’sin’. There is some trepidation–do they know? Surely they do. 1/2’s totally disapproving sister was here over Easter, surely she told the family.

While laying in bed last night I asked 1/2 if she was nervous. “No”. Well, that’s a load of bs…but I’ll gladly let that load rest. Tonight she risks all of her worst fears coming true. That she will in fact TRULY lose the one member of her family she cares about most. In essence, she already has since they barely speak. But it’s one thing to suspect, and another to know for certain.

In this, there is also the possibility (as the eternal optimist in me hopes for and expects) for this relationship to be mended and grow closer again. For 1/2’s cousin to see who she really is, to see her happy, and to realize that 1/2 is exactly the same caring amazing person she was and has always been that she has loved so much throughout their lives.

And if that doesn’t happen, tomorrow’s post will be sponsored by another F word. Probably the one you thought of initially. As for me, I’m hoping for humanity, family, and love to prevail.

Peace out.