Just do what you can

So 1/2 and I had been planning on going camping this weekend for a while now. When the time came, we didn’t have the money (camping itself costs little of course, but boarding our herd of children is spendy).  1/2 was really disappointed. I suggested we leave early Saturday morning and camp, but she didn’t want any part of that. I questioned why not compromise, her response:  “I don’t think I should have to compromise. I’ve already done it long enough.” Ouch. Guess there’s some residual resentment from the unemployment deal. Of course I walk away and say nothing (fear of intimacy and all) and just sit wounded. In my head it plays like this…”Isn’t life and relationship about compromise? How can you say you don’t think you should have to compromise anymore? For f-sake, I compromise all the time. I don’t get the short short haircut I want, I don’t wear the kind of clothes I used to wear, I grin and bear a lot…..” So, we spoke no more that night.

The next morning, 1/2 was chatty as though nothing had happened, or there was no larger meaning behind what she said, no understanding for how wounded I was. Maybe that’s because I made it a bigger deal than it was. And maybe because she has had to compromise and sacrifice too much. Yeah it’s part of life together, but she has probably sacrificed more. She’s the steady one, taking care of things…I’m the ADHD kid in every way–included my job stuff. We go home to my home pretty frequently for one thing or another, and these are not her favorite trips.

So yesterday, an idea struck me. (I actually believe it was given to me by the man upstairs, but I digress). I came home from work and transformed the back yard into a camp site. I put up the tent, I brought out the camping chairs, I made chili cheese dogs for supper (1/2’s favorite camping dinner), and I got everything for smores.

When 1/2 got home and saw our “camp site”, she was happier than I’ve seen her in awhile. Did she really want to go camping that badly? That’s not what made her happy. What made her happy was that for once, in a rare moment, I put her and her needs/wants completely ahead of my own. Did she say that to me? No. But as we camped, she snuggled more than usual of late. When we got up this morning, there was more love and affection…the hand holding while having breakfast, random pecks, and actual looks of love.

Sometimes simply doing what you can, although not what is originally sought, is the best thing you can do and all you need. Especially if what you do is for someone else. I need to do that more often.