Today’s entry is Brought to You by the Letter F

Family. Maybe not what you were thinking would be my F word of the day.

So here’s the thing. 1/2 isn’t too terribly close to her family. There are many a reason beyond merely the physical distance. 1/2 grew up in totally conservative Baptist family (which is much the norm around here, I find). Well, that becomes a problem when you realize later in life you are gay.

1/2’s siblings were signicantly older than her, her mother died when she was 11 (and was the only nurturing force in her life). 1/2 subsequently spent time with extended relatives for holidays, etc. She can remember comments (before she was aware or accepting of her own reality) in which family members would proclaim as part of ‘normal’ dinner conversation “I would rather my son was a murderer than gay”. Unfortunately, this is/was the sentiment for much of her family.

Fast forward to 1/2 realizing, accepting, and moving forward with her life as a gay person. The relationships with her family ceased–not because there was a falling out or disowning, but because 1/2 was aware of their stance on what would certainly be regarded as her ‘lifestyle choice’ and didn’t want to put herself through that.

The one relationship that has probably been the most tragic loss is the one with her cousin. 1/2 and her cousin were the same age and spent a lot of time together–while growing up and while becoming. Well, for the last 4 years, there has been little contact. The cousin married an uber fundamentalist, has had a couple of kids, stays home with them, etc. Thus, the relationship was sacrificed.

And that brings us to the present–today specifically. The cousin, the husband, and the two children will be here visiting–staying in our house of ’sin’. There is some trepidation–do they know? Surely they do. 1/2’s totally disapproving sister was here over Easter, surely she told the family.

While laying in bed last night I asked 1/2 if she was nervous. “No”. Well, that’s a load of bs…but I’ll gladly let that load rest. Tonight she risks all of her worst fears coming true. That she will in fact TRULY lose the one member of her family she cares about most. In essence, she already has since they barely speak. But it’s one thing to suspect, and another to know for certain.

In this, there is also the possibility (as the eternal optimist in me hopes for and expects) for this relationship to be mended and grow closer again. For 1/2’s cousin to see who she really is, to see her happy, and to realize that 1/2 is exactly the same caring amazing person she was and has always been that she has loved so much throughout their lives.

And if that doesn’t happen, tomorrow’s post will be sponsored by another F word. Probably the one you thought of initially. As for me, I’m hoping for humanity, family, and love to prevail.

Peace out.